A: No. Rhiannon’s stepmom situation is very different from mine. That said, I have personally experienced many of the same feelings, particularly those associated with being a childless stepmother with 50/50 custody. I have also spent an abundance of glorious hours hanging with stepmoms and hearing/reading their stories, so I feel pretty informed about the whole stepmom deal and the common feelings and experiences that crop up.
Q: Is there a real-life Society of Stepmothers?
A: More or less! This book is dedicated to my stepmom friends, both in person and online, who serve the same life-saving function as the Society of Stepmothers.
Q: How long did it take you to write this book?
A: Um. Ages. I think I started in 2007. The novel is technically set in 2008-2009 (yes, I made sure the events of the story and custody schedule align with an actual calendar, just because I am weird and didn’t like the idea that the story could not be grounded in real life).
Q: Are the books based in the San Francisco Bay Area? Why?
A: The books are based here, but only loosely. Ultimately I felt that my writing had to be grounded in a particular “culture” in order to be as authentic as possible, but my overall purpose is to connect with stepmoms anywhere in the world.
Q: Who’s going to be the main character of book two?
Chocolate croissants are good. S’more croissants are way better.
1 plain croissant
Fresh raspberries to taste
Cut croissant lengthwise, making the bottom half thinner than the top half. Arrange the chocolate on the bottom half of the croissant and melt. Happily, the butter in the pastry will keep it from burning. Roast the marshmallow. Once the chocolate has melted, remove croissant from heat and press raspberries into the chocolate. Top with roasted marshmallow and the top half of the croissant.
Mint lovers, start melting! This mint medley features velvety Andes mints and a crispy mint cookie.
3 to 4 Andes mints
1/2 graham cracker
1 crispy mint cookie (Thin Mint, Mint Oreo, Mint Brussels, etc.)
Unwrap mints and melt them on the graham cracker (see page 10). Roast the marshmallow. Once the chocolate has melted, remove graham cracker from the heat and top with roasted marshmallow and mint cookie.
Note: The Andes mint is the nobility of the mint world. With its creamy consistency, high meltability, and luscious flavor, the Andes mint can be incorporated into almost any s’more for unbelievable results. For a stronger flavor of fresh peppermint, swap out the Andes mints for two squares of a delicious After Eight candy bar.
p.s. After I wrote and published this recipe, the Pepperidge Farm people stopped making Mint Brussels, which was my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE mint cookie. I kinda feel like this s’more will never be the same. Why is the universe so CRUEL?
The book never did hit the big time, but we had fun appearing on BookTV (much to our surprise) and radio shows. We also got a few nice reviews.
In each chapter, the authors examine seemingly disparate works and present insightful conclusions regarding the common thematic threads that resonate with American readers… The sidebars, including a song parody based on John Grisham’s The King of Torts, are especially precious. However, the authors clearly take their subject matter seriously, presenting a sobering analysis of the self-limiting literary choices Americans continue to make.
William R. Drew, Editor, www.beneaththecover.com Why We Read What We Read is a fun-spirited, charming, witty look at bestsellers of the last sixteen years… it’s full of insight and entertainment, a veritable cornucopia of “instruction and delight,” as the NeoClassicists would say. Best book I’ve ever read on bestsellers. It ought to become a bestseller itself–and for all the right reasons! [Editor’s note: We totally agree.]
Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor, Bookpleasures Why We Read What We Read is comprehensive but never wearisome, analytical but never pedantic. Adams and Heath have an excellent grasp of the complexities of the subject matter and their analysis is certainly not bland but rather interesting and informative. Approached with an open mind, and perhaps with a grain of salt, this book achieves its ultimate goal; it forces people to think about the bestsellers in relation to current values, desires, and fears of Americans.
Lisa Ekus Group
Frequent flashes of humor and equally revealing sober insight make this thorough (and energetic, not exhausting) review into a page turner. Heath and Adams cover bestsellers from 1990 thru 2005, and span topics as diverse as Harry Potter and Barak Obama. They conclude with a sound wake-up call to reader, writer, and the publishing industry. Not to be missed.
“The American Culture Behind the Bestsellers: An Examination of Readers’ Perspectives” BookTV
Feshy has definitely been a long time coming. I started writing a simpler form of the book, originally called Feshy’s Paradise, in 1999. Though that draft was the elementary age novel I wanted to write, the annoyingly thematic side of me wasn’t satisfied. I then completely rewrote the book, incorporating the plotlines involving Lingo and the “firstborn flop” concept. The finished book is far more complex than the original—and will no doubt appeal primarily to the more cerebral and/or mature of my youthful readers!
Just to follow up on John’s comments about the top political sellers for 2007, here are the actual top 15 nonfiction bestsellers:
1. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Atria/Beyond Words (11/06) 4,590,000 2. The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn & Hal Iggulden. Collins (5/07) 1,900,000 3. Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. Collins (10/07) 1,800,000 4. You: Staying Young—The Owner’s Manual for Extending Your Warranty by Michael F. Roizen, M.D., and Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. Free Press (10/07) 1,451,945 5. I Am America (and So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert. Grand Central (10/07) 1,422,876 6. Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen. Free Press (10/07) 1,181,173 7. The Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan & Miriam Peskowitz. Collins (10/07) 1,000,000 8. You: On a Diet—The Owner’s Manual for Waist Management by Michael F. Roizen, M.D., and Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. Free Press (10/06) 998,324 9. Guinness World Records 2008. Guinness World Records (8/07) 980,000 10. The Weight Loss Cure “They” Don’t Want You to Know About by Kevin Trudeau. Alliance Publishing (4/07) 825,913 11. Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices & Priorities of a Winning Life by Tony Dungy with Nathan Whitaker. Tyndale House (07/07) 820,124 12. Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny by Suze Orman. Spiegel & Grau (2/07) 753,618 13. A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah. Farrar, Straus & Giroux/Sarah Crichton (2/07) 611,435 14. Clapton by Eric Clapton. Broadway Books (9/07) 600,756 15. Christmas with Paula Deen: Recipes and Stories from My Favorite Holiday by Paula Deen. Simon & Schuster (10/07) 580,000
Hmm. It must have been a good year, because only a handful of these titles make me sick. It really is incredible that only one political book—and a silly one at that—made the top 15. It sheds a few drops of moisture on the parched, cynical soil of my soul.
That’s not to say that these are particularly brilliant offerings, either. Still, one can’t get too worked up about (reasonable) diet, health, and recipe books. I find it interesting that The Dangerous Book for Boys outsold The Daring Book for Girls by almost double—quite a reverse in the typical trend. But I wouldn’t be surprised if girls are just reading up on the boy stuff.
Those goddamn girls.
You know what we think about The Secret and Kevin “The Felon” Trudeau. Who are the people buying these books? It’s like Mariah Carey—you can’t find a single person who likes her or owns any of her albums, but somehow she’s this amazing superstar. I’d like to put forth another crackpot theory: any person who likes Mariah also owns The Secret. Go on, prove me wrong.
This post by John Heath, whatever it might say above
Taking a look at the bestselling lists from 2007 and 2008, I have not been surprised that they generally look a lot like those from previous years. But perhaps my pessimism is premature. So far in 2008 there has been one major, wonderful change in America’s bestselling reading: the comparative absence of bestselling political spew. We are already over a third of the way through the election year and there have been only four bestsellers specifically about American politics (remember, in that last presidential election year there were 40—did I mention that I read them all?). And these four take a distinctly different tone than those from the previous decade. Steven Colbert’s I Am America (And So Can You) undermines conservatism through humor, not wrath; Glenn Beck’s conservative An Inconvenient Book can be wittily self-effacing. Even Newt Gingrich has climbed onto the bestselling lists by claiming we need Real Change and that America is not divided into red and blue (although, well, it’s still the Left that causes most of the problems). And the ultimate change-fan, Barack Obama, offers his now-famous optimistic take on the future in The Audacity of Hope.
These are the four bestsellers? These silly, hopeful, not-very-angry books? Get outta town.
We keep hearing that Americans are ready for change. Are the bestseller lists evidence that we are making it happen? Are these books a good indication of a change in the zeitgeist? (It’s a well-established law that every essay on culture must use the word zeitgeist—I held off until the last paragraph to keep you in suspense.) Does the success of a woman, an African-American, and a maverick in the primaries suggest we are fed up with acrimonious dichotomies offered us in 2004 in both our reading and our political choices?
We’ll see. Readers still have over half a year to start buying up the latest screed from the radio talk show hosts and New York Times pundits. Can we resist? My guess is that within a few months reasoned debate will be harder to find than Ann Coulter’s maternal instinct or Michael Moore’s copy of The South Beach Diet. But I’m hoping—really, really hoping—that I’m wrong.
Okay, I’m serious now, people. Stop reading James Patterson! He’s just not that good.
The numbers, alas, say otherwise: in addition to the four paperback bestsellers already mentioned in my earlier post, the guy has five hardcover bestsellers as well! Here’s the full list:
1. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. Riverhead (5/07) 2,201,865 2. Playing for Pizza by John Grisham. Doubleday (9/07) 1,445,000
3. Double Cross by James Patterson. Little, Brown (11/07) 1,428,974 4. The Choice by Nicholas Sparks. Grand Central (9/07) 1,200,809 5. Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich. St. Martin’s (6/07) 1,116,828 6. Plum Lovin’ by Janet Evanovich. St. Martin’s (1/07) 1,080,686 7. Book of the Dead by Patricia Cornwell. Putnam (10/07) 1,027,000 8. The Quickie by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. Little, Brown (7/07) 795,736 9. The 6th Target by James Patterson and Maxine Paetro. Little, Brown (5/07) 769,460 10. The Darkest Evening of the Year by Dean Koontz. Bantam (11/07) 740,000 11. Step on a Crack by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. Little, Brown (2/07) 732,702 12. You’ve Been Warned by James Patterson and Howard Roughan. Little, Brown (9/07) 724,713 13. T Is for Trespass by Sue Grafton. Putnam (12/07) 716,582 14. Stone Cold by David Baldacci. Grand Central (11/07) 670,590 15. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. Atria Books (3/07) 609,000
The saddest thing about this unsurprising list is that not a single new novelist made it this year. Though I’m not a passionate fan of Mr. Hosseini, I guess I can be glad that the number one title was a literary offering.
Mostly, though, I keep thinking about Sue Grafton. I honestly remember seeing these same Kinsey Millhone books in the store when I was a child. How can Grafton not be wanting to gnaw off her own fingers at this point? And does some brilliant psychotic meltdown await her when the alphabet runs out? I worry about her. I really do.
1. Blood Brothers. Nora Roberts. Orig. Jove (2,247,730)
2. Cross. James Patterson. Rep. Grand Central (1,831,296) 3. Angels Fall. Nora Roberts. Rep. Jove (1,655,329) 4. Judge & Jury. James Patterson & Andrew Gross. Rep. Grand Central (1,653,623) 5. Beach Road. James Patterson & Peter de Jonge. Rep. Grand Central (1,645,810) 6. Honeymoon. James Patterson & Howard Roughan. Rep. Grand Central (1,638,139) 7. Next. Michael Crichton. Rep. Harper (1,600,000) 8. Twelve Sharp. Janet Evanovich. Rep. St. Martin’s (1,500,000) 9. At Risk. Patricia Cornwell. Rep. Berkley (1,445,075) 10. The Collectors. David Baldacci. Rep. Grand Central (1,286,410) 11. Two Little Girls in Blue. Mary Higgins Clark. Rep. Pocket (1,231,500) 12. True Believer. Nicholas Sparks. Rep. Grand Central (1,205,824) 13. Echo Park. Michael Connelly. Rep. Grand Central (1,068,053) 14. At First Sight. Nicholas Sparks. Rep. Grand Central (1,035,993) 15. Dead Watch. John Sandford. Rep. Berkley (1,005,314)
Look at James Patterson go! He’s clearly still well utilizing the practice of getting authorial hopefuls to write his books. Interesting, though, how the title that was Patterson’s alone—Cross—sold ever so slightly more copies. Coincidence? Or do people actually dislike diluted Pattersons?
Nora Roberts is also still pumping out the books and raking in the checks, though this year she only had two titles in the top 15, for a total of almost four million copies. Impressive, sure, but compare to last year’s four titles and nine million copies (not to mention the comparative 4.3 million copies that Eat, Pray, Love sold—further kudos to Elizabeth Gilbert!). Perhaps she’s finally decided to take it easy, publishing only, you know, ten books a year or so. Hey, even cyborgs need a vacation.
And one has to ask (though one wishes she didn’t notice) where is Dan Brown? In 2006 he scaled both the Trade Paperback and Mass Market Paperback lists with over nine million copies of his novels sold; this year not a single one of his books sold even 100,000 copies. The list-dominator has simply vanished! Is his own shocking disappearance part of an elaborate promotional plan for his next novel…or has every single person in America finally read The Da Vinci Code?
Okay, they’ve been here, it turns out, for almost a month. But Publisher’s Weekly has this sneaky way of burying each year’s numbers in its voluminous archives, hiding their presence even from its own search engine. Very secretive, those folks.
PW publishes four different lists: Hardcover Fiction, Hardcover Nonfiction, Trade Paperbacks (both fiction and nonfiction), and Mass Market Paperbacks (fiction, often of the genre variety). Shall we start with the top fifteen Trade Paperbacks? (Click here for the full list.)
1. Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert. Rep. Penguin (4,274,804) 2. The Kite Runner. Khaled Hosseini. Rep. Riverhead (2,022,041) 3. Water for Elephants. Sara Gruen. Rep. Algonquin (1,450,000) 4. The Road. Cormac McCarthy. Rep. Vintage (1,364,722) 5. The Memory Keeper’s Daughter. Kim Edwards. Rep. Penguin (1,362,585) 6. The Pillars of the Earth. Ken Follett. Rep. NAL (1,310,419) 7. Love in the Time of Cholera. Gabriel García Márquez. Rep. Vintage (1,298,554) 8. 90 Minutes in Heaven. Don Piper and Cecil Murphey. Orig. Revell (1,273,000) 9. Jerusalem Countdown. John Hagee. Revised. Frontline (1,200,000) 10. Middlesex. Jeffrey Eugenides. Rep. Picador (1,000,000) 11. Measure of a Man. Sidney Poitier. Orig. HarperOne (1,000,000) 12. Skinny Bitch. Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. Orig. Running Press (987,000) 13. Into the Wild. Jon Krakauer. Rep. Anchor (918,234) 14. Three Cups of Tea. Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. Rep. Penguin (843,390) 15. The 5th Horseman. James Patterson & Maxine Paetro. Rep. Grand Central (707,340)
The majority of these are no surprise. Eat, Pray, Love. Yes, yes. The Kite Runner. Yes, yes. The Memory Keeper’s Daughter—last year’s number two. A third of these books are associated with Oprah in some way.
It’s numbers 8 and 9 that make me think things went a little wonky in ’07. I’m dismayed to see that 90 Minutes in Heaven—a book detailing a near-death experience and resulting life of devout Christianity—has actually gained in popularity (it was #9 last year), now selling a total of around 2 million copies. Funny how James Frey gets skewered for fabricating parts of his memoir, yet anyone can write these “visit to heaven” books with no proof whatsoever of their authenticity—and no one seems to care!
Sure, 90 Minutes in Heaven could have been a flukey favorite, but number 9 suggests instead that America’s religious curiosity is all aflame. The purpose of Jerusalem Countdown, written by some nutjob pastor, is to demonstrate through biblical prophecy how America’s prickly issues with Iran may lead to the Apocalypse. And people bought 1.2 million copies of it.
Of course, the presence of religious books on an annual bestseller list can also indicate a general case of the societal willies. In troubling times, even the confused and indifferent start reading the darnedest things. The two titles here are so typical of our culture’s hysterical extremism: we want to scare the crap out of ourselves with looming conflicts both material and supernatural, yet be reminded that redemption is available with just a little faith. So different, yet so comforting: for even as his horrors spill from heaven, Pastor Hagee reminds us that a plan governs the universe and all our lives.
I’m sorry to see that no first-time novelists scored this year, though one certainly can’t begrudge literary author and relative newcomer Sara Gruen her number-three spot for Water for Elephants.
Best book on the list: The Road. Followed closely by Pillars of the Earth and Middlesex.
Worst book on the list: Jerusalem Countdown. I think I can safely say this without reading a single word.
Hey! My article, “How NOT to Write a Bestseller,” went up last week, but I just discovered it! I’m so on top of things. Beneath the Cover is a great place to find articles on all aspects of the book industry.
Joel Osteen has written another book. It’s called Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day, and it’s #2 right now—it premiered last week at #1, but got bumped by the forensic gloom of Patricia Cornwell.
For those of you that may not be up on all the hottest religious bestsellers, Osteen penned the previous (and, actually, current) smash Your Best Life Now. It is exactly what you would think it would be: an extended, heartfelt pep talk by the most frenetically happy Jesus freak in America.
I kinda like ol’ Joel. He may be a little crazy, and he kind of looks like a flesh-eating serial killer, but he’s definitely the nicest of the hardcore Christian authors.
Still, if Your Best Life Now is any indication, I’d wager that Become a Better You has about as much substance as a cheeto. With any luck we’ll get some more lovable, nutty pronouncements about how believing in Jesus will get you better parking spaces.
Eat, Pray, Love is still riding high at #3. Should I read it? This book fills me with dread. I’m not sure why.
Still, I’d rather read that than #9, The Wisdom of Menopause, or, as I like to call it, The Revenge of the Earth Mothers. Actually I have no problem with the book itself, which seems to be medically based, but this title! God! It manages to be both manipulative and patronizing.
The anxious menopausal, however, clearly did not notice. But then, I’m sure many women love the implication that “wisdom” is automatically part of the deal, that “the change” is some sort of swap meet where you hand over your fertility in exchange for enlightenment.
Now anybody who’s ever met a clueless old lady knows that that ain’t true.
But I just know that this book will stay a bestseller for the next thousand weeks and I’m going to have to read it. Why? Karma. I actually found The Wisdom of Menopause on my mom’s shelf a few years ago and teased her so relentlessly that my punishment will surely be having to read it. And then I’ll have to write The Wisdom of The Wisdom of Menopause.
And if that title isn’t bad enough for you, this week’s list also featured such compelling monikers as What’s So Great About Christianity (apparently not sarcastic) at #62 and The Dangers of Deceiving a Viscount at #42. What are the worst book titles you’ve ever heard? Post them and entertain me!
“Author hopes to elevate level of political discourse by illuminating legal issues surrounding hot-button topics,” claims this article in one of our local papers, The Almanac. The subject is Palo Alto resident Malcolm Friedberg, who’s edited not one but two books of essays on sensitive political issues (such as affirmative action and gay marriage) and “the key Constitutional questions involved.” Both books are titled Why We’ll Win, yet one volume is blue, the other red. That’s right: one volume includes only liberal essays, the other only conservative ones.
It’s a clever idea, but it kinda cuts down on the whole elevation-factor when a book like this contains only one point of view. I was all set to blame Friedberg—just another opportunist taking advantage of the fingers stuffed into America’s collective ears—but it turns out that splitting the essays into two volumes was not Friedberg’s get-rich scheme at all, but instead a decision made by his publisher, Sourcebooks.
This won’t strike you as notable unless you realize that Sourcebooks is our publisher too! And in Why We Read What We Read, we openly and passionately make the case that not reading or considering other points of view is catastrophically rotten for a whole variety of minor things such as people, democracy, and life as we know it.
Now I can’t blame Sourcebooks for this crafty two-volume scheme—of course they are right (sadly) that “books down the middle don’t sell.” And it’s only by putting out books that sell can any publisher afford to take a chance on no-name authors like us. But it’s still startling to see this practical reality in action.
It’s also startling to see a local author get a front-page story in The Almanac when we didn’t get so much as a blurb. What gives?
Some people come to relationships with pets and furniture.
We came with books.
We have so many books. When we fantasize about our dream house, the most important room is always the library, with great comfy chaises and armchairs and those cool rolly ladders and roaming massage therapists who knead away our cares. Reality is instead one bedroom-turned-office, where John works surrounded by great hulking IKEA bookcases in space-saving but truly bizarre configurations. I work in the living room, which affords me the most comfortable chair in the world (the couch) and easy access to a variety of scented candles—but zero privacy.
This arrangement is making us both a little batty. But to change it, we have to eliminate some bookshelves. We have to do something else with our books.
What do other people do? Do you put your books in storage? Do you just stack them in every available space? Or can you actually bear to get rid of them? Desperate book junkies need to know!
So we’ve been getting a lot of flack on this blog post about how we apparently hate romance novels, mostly from people who haven’t read our book but have read reviews of it.
People have a right to their opinions, of course, but we want to state for the record that we are not anti-romance—not at all. If you read the book, you’ll find that we praise bestselling romance authors such as Nora Roberts, Janet Evanovich, and Julia Quinn, not to mention authors of what we would call “literary romance,” including Arthur Golden and Audrey Niffenegger.
That’s not to say we don’t have some concerns about some of the content and writing out there—we do—but we don’t think romance novels are inherently trashy or that romance itself is not a topic worth reading about. The irony here is that we are actually quite romantic people (we’re a couple who writes books together, for god’s sake; how much more romantic can you get?)—which is exactly the reason we want to see more romance novels embrace the complexity of real-life love.
Also, we do not say or believe that all women read romance novels because they are unhappy in their marriages. We do, however, think that it is reasonable to conclude that the million-plus people who read 50-100 romance novels a year (not the norm—still, a million people!) are emotionally reliant on that experience. We base our conclusions in the book on sociological studies of romance readers as well as what we found in relationship-oriented nonfiction and bestsellers as a whole.
To prove to everyone out there that we are willing to approach romance novels fairly, and to make Imani happy, I just ordered Nora Roberts’ Morrigan’s Cross from my local library. This book sold around 2.5 million copies in 2006, and is the first book in Roberts’ “Circle Triology,” which apparently contains supernatural characters such as wizards and vampires. I am looking forward to this, as we didn’t get a chance to cover “paranormal” or “time-travel” romances in our book. You’ll have to be patient, as the Menlo Park library system is not particularly swift, but I will read this book. And if I don’t like it, it won’t be because it’s a romance novel.
Finally, we would love to hear from any romance readers who want to share their reasons for reading. Add a comment to this post or drop us a line. And that goes for readers of anything else, too! We look forward to hearing from you.
So we went to a wedding this past weekend, and I think it’s fair to say we had never been so thrilled to be at any wedding in our lives. Never mind that we had just experienced a hellish five-hour drive across California along with the fifty million other people who seem to have moved here when we weren’t paying attention. Never mind that we had hurriedly changed our clothes in the parking lot with nothing but the glare of a dirty car window in which to assess our unwashed reflections. Never mind that, due to a tragic backpack-switching incident, John was forced to wear flip-flops along with his formal attire. We had made it, dangit, and we were feeling good.
The ceremony began. It was one of those nice, benign, modern sermons, and I was spacing out a little, hoping the eyeliner I’d quickly applied lay somewhere in the vicinity of my eyelid. Then the rabbi started to talk about something that sounded remarkably familiar…
“As we go through life we make agreements,” said he. “Agreements that determine how we relate to each other…”
My ears piqued at “agreements.” Could he mean…? No, of course not. I chastised myself. Not everything in life is related to a bestselling book!
But then he said there were four agreements. And then he started listing them. And so I started poking John and giggling and yes, they are THE four agreements: Be impeccable with your word, don’t make assumptions, don’t take anything personally, and do your best.
It was hard for me to take the message seriously after that, but I know that many others (who weren’t familiar with the book) were in raptures about it afterwards. And sure, the four agreements do make a lot of sense in a marriage context. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that the whole thing was a tad cheesy. Still, it could have been a lot worse: imagine weddings based on these other bestsellers…
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus:
“Today we come together to honor the bland coexistence of two aliens who have absolutely nothing in common. Let us begin the ceremony with a hug…”
The Da Vinci Code:
“This is an event in which we celebrate the joining of two people in holy matrimony…”
A wedding, thought the albino.
“On my left is a woman in a white gown…”
Slowly, the woman at the altar turned to face the gathered crowd.
Holy mother of Jesus, thought the albino.
Then…the groom began to scream.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff:
“Bill, do you take this fern to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
I shouldn’t joke. Things like this have probably been done.