So for several years now John and I have tried to come up with the scammiest possible self-help book that will take us a weekend to write and make millions. Problem is, we never seem to be as unethical or as light on substance as the people who actually pull this off. We keep thinking, for some stupid reason, that a self-help book is actually supposed to have some truth to it. You know, to help somebody. And then people like Rhonda Byrne come along and prove that we are complete idiots.
So I’m switching genres. I now think my bestselling destiny lies in affliction fiction.
People love to read about folks with medical problems. Sure, a lot of the good conditions are taken. Dwarfism, Tourette’s, autism. But I’ve got a sure-fire winner. My bestselling novel will be about a woman with…Restless Legs Syndrome!
If you haven’t heard of RLS, start watching more TV. Restless Legs Syndrome is a terrifying condition that causes people’s legs…brace yourselves…to get tingly. RLS fidgeted its way into my heart the very first time I saw the commercial for its treatment. Now it’s definitely my favorite disease (well, that and gout). And could there be a better subject for a novel? My heroine will be an outcast because her legs will act up and keep her from sleeping. She will cry and curse the gods and gnash her teeth. Then, of course, she will come to accept and even love her RLS, realizing it makes her who she is.
God, what a genius idea. Oprah Winfrey Show, here I come!
5 thoughts on “Me: Bestselling-Author-to-Be”
If only I could have made it all the way through this post…but I couldn’t, Lisa. Because of my restless legs! Now I’ll never know your bestselling book idea!
I’m not sure that the people who live with RLS will find your book very intelligent — making fun of people who live with a debilitating condition. Restless Legs Syndrome is a sleep disorder that prevents people from falling asleep. It is very real and very debilitating.
Sorry, Wendi, didn’t mean any offense. What I’m really poking fun at here is affliction fiction — the propensity of authors to grab onto a physical condition, any condition, and write a book exploring the terrible loneliness of the person who has it. Such books have been highly bestselling for years and years. While I believe you that RLS is serious and unpleasant, I’m not sure it’s on the same level as, say, hermaphroditism. So I was really just making a comment on how some of these authors seem to be “reaching” at this point, since the major conditions seem to have been covered.
I don’t know if my husband has RLS or simply has restless legs, but there have many nights I’ve told him I’m going to kill him if he doesn’t stop the shaking. I’ll read your book! 😉
And if your character needs a pet, may I suggest a parrot? I have one who takes gout medicine for a chronic renal condition. . .
Ohmygod, a parrot with GOUT! (Well, close enough.) That is too great for words.